Back issues....epidural shots

At the beginning of last year I found out that I have three bulging discs in my back. In 2008 I had a 4 wheeler accident and from then I had horrible pain in my right and middle upper back. I am now actually getting treatment through pain management. I go tomorrow for my second round of epidural shots. The first I did ok other than the calming meds made my heart rate go up some. I am hoping that it won't do that tomorrow. Having this back issue on top of Endometriosis makes my days hard. The pain is bearable with pain meds but I still feel tired most days and can't keep up with daily things like cleaning and playing with my kids. I hope that treatment for my back will help me get back to the old me somewhat. The past couple days my pain has been pretty bad to where I can't walk or bend much at all. I am so thankful to have a wonderful loving husband that supports me and cares for me when he can. He works a lot so he can't take off much but he does when he can. I feel so old sometimes because of my issues and I try everyday to get and get going because I know staying bed all day will make me feel worse. Life lately for me hasn't been great. I feel so unattractive and like I am nothing but old, frumpy housewife most days. I try to stop and think that it is because we don't have a car and I am stuck in the house but even then I still feel the same. I know things will change and I will feel back to my old self but I am wanting that sooner than later. 

Summer 2011

This summer has been a little exciting and a little boring at the same time. My 6 yo was in kindergarten and this is first official summer break and will be going to 1st grade this coming August! We have gone to a couple lakes and to the local fair to keep them busy. I am hoping to do a little more before school starts. My youngest will be a year in September and I would love to take him and my daughter to the zoo for the first time! I hate when you have all these fun activities in your mind all planned that you want to do and finances or health issues keep you from doing them. It makes me feel so bad but I know that it is temporary and the kids are young! I try not to feel guilty or a bad parent about it but sometimes I just can't not feel like that. My kids are so important to me and I know they get everything they need but I do feel like I have failed at not doing or getting things that they want sometimes. I always tell myself that I don't want to be like my parents and put everything before doing things that make life a little more fun. I'm not saying that I don't want to pay bills or have food in the house. I am talking about letting loose and not being so worried all the time. Take a day and just have fun with my kids. It is really hard most days being at home all day and sometimes not having a car makes my days with three kids go by so slow. I know that I am going to finish college and will hopefully become a pre-school/kindergarten teacher and won't be at home all day. Don't get me wrong I love being at home with my kids but I sacrifice a lot to be home with them and that includes not having a lot of extra money to do all the things I would love to do. I know there's other sahm's that can relate but I do feel alone sometimes.

Life with my 3 beautiful children

I can't believe some days that I have 3 children!! I had my third and last on September 23rd, 2010 and having him completes what I like to call the cupcake!! My first born is the cake part and my daughter is the icing and my son is the sprinkles on top. Without each I wouldn't have my sweet cupcake. I look back to each birth of my babies and see how much each of them have changed me in so many different ways. With my first I was so scared and afraid of all the things that could happen. With my second I was a lot more laid back but so scared at how her older brother would take to her. After my third son wthey as born I felt like a pro at it. My husband and I learned with each baby to learn to just enjoy them because grow up so fast. I am the type of person that gets freaked out and have anxiety attacks over new and different things. I sit and wonder now how the hell I manage three babies and a house??? I mean really how do I do it? I was never a person that could manage anything and would quit when the times were tough. I manage taking care of these kids and having fun with them too. I don't give up just because my kids aren't listening or making messes. I keep on going and try to teach them how to clean up and try to make it fun. Or if they aren't listening I try and step back and listen to them first because maybe I am not understanding them. As parents we all at some point forget that they (children) might have something they are trying to tell us and we don't stop and listen to them because they are being bad. I know I have done this numerous times. I don't want to be like my parents and think that my kids are just that kids. They aren't just kids but adults in the making. I am the one molding them into hopefully upstanding adults. If we as adults want them to listen then we should listen too. I know this turned into something different but that is what this blog is about....My life as a Mom. My days are never the same ever. No matter how bored I might get or tired everyday at some point is going to be a new adventure!!!

Baby Malakai : The Bump Baby Websites

Baby Malakai : The Bump Baby Websites

My new blog

I start blogs all the time but never stick with them. I am going to try to my hardest to stick with this one. Whether it be about my life or my kids or just things I am dealing with. I am a busy mom of 2 so I have to find time to fit a blog in. It is very relaxing to write, though. I hope to write at least everyday but we will see how that goes.